Need English specialist to fill in a funny dictionary

Hi, We are creating a funny translator between what woman says and what she really means. We are looking for a gifted writer that can fill in 400 items to our dictionary. The idea is to create a funny dictionary where you insert the word or phrase that the women says to you and given your location you get the TRUE meaning of what she really wanted to say. The answers need to be funny. Also the dictionary is there to help you and for each result it offers you a "Suggested Answer" which means an answer that you should provide to the women and will best solve you predicament. Technical specifications: Each item should include the phrase (what the woman says) and 5 translations for different locations: 1. In a BAR 2. In BED 3. On the street 4. At the office 5. At home Each translation should have a suggested answer that the guy should answer the women. See attached the layout of the Excel spreadsheet and a few example. The work needs to be delivered to us in this Excel spreadsheet format. 1. Level of English should be high, no spelling or grammar issues allowed. 2. Items (phrases, translations and suggested answers should be funny and catchy) 3. We only release funds after we get the material for review and approve it. 4. Before accepting a bid we request a demo of 20 phrases you create. We will review them and if in good quality we will award the project.